How do you run the race?

He was widely acknowledged as the greatest strategist in his era. He could call on winds and storms to aid his tactics. His wizardry forms part of his resources. In a time of warlords and feudal chiefs, he built a kingdom for the smallest of them all. He lured "Tiger" generals and was seen without equal by his peers. He was the one who people saw as the hope for the Han unification.

I am a Romance of the Three Kingdom fan - an equivalent to the typical petrol head. Despite incapacitated by my semi-literate Mandarin, I developed a fond interest in this history. I have probably gone through the Chinese DVDs several rounds and can't seem to get bored of the show. While the summer weather tempts many for a run and a day in the park, my unfortunate hamstring got me to stay in for a Saturday of rest. And I drew a disc from the 72 DVDs of the RTK series for a watch. It was the episode that Zhuge Liang died.

Fresh from a failed ambush to kill Sima Yi, Zhuge Liang, who was into his fifth expedition to conquer the Northern empire (Cao Cao's legacy) knew time was not on his side. Coming down with sickness and overwork, Zhuge foresaw his imminent death and began to pass instructions for life after him. I have seen this episode about four times and something got clearer now. On his deathbed, he reminisced about his early life in recluse, the initial battles and struggles and the consequent victories. But one thing was clear to him (and me) now - his time is up. His goal will not be accomplished. The final scene before his death saw him looking at a flag which bores "Conquer the North" to which he said it will not be fulfilled by him.

We can often start so well and carry abundant brilliance compared to our peers. My time in investment banking and audit has exposed me to top talents, some young chaps making Managing Directors before thirty. However life is a marathon and is not judged on how well we do the first 400m. Nor what we have achieved during that short time. As I looked at his moments before the death scene, I asked myself - What will be my final thoughts? Have I been a man after God's heart? Have I lived a life worth living? And when I come before the throne of judgement - will I receive the acclaim and praise from Him, saying "Well done my son"?

No wonder Paul, in his final letter to Timothy, wrote "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept my faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, will award to me on that day - and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing."

The road ahead is very long, arduous and tough and definitely fraught with trials and temptations. But God has promised to be with us, as our guiding light. While the wrinkles will come, the pressures of work, married life and parenthood pile, yet we can take comfort that "we are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed."

And in the spirit of the Olympics, and with the sportsman/sportswoman in everyone of us - how would you like to run the race? Do you want to be a Ben Johnson or a Derek Redmond?

I wun stop sharing...

As I shared a few days ago, I have been very disturbed and troubled lately. To the extent of having sleepless nights and getting worried about falling ill.

I read Proverbs 3 last night, and because it was a long chapter, I ended at verse 23. Partly because it was the last verse on that page. And partly because I dun really know why.

So tonight, laden with all the anxieties and fears, I continued the unfinished part of Proverbs 3, continuing with verse 24. To which God allayed my fears.

"when you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet. Have no fear of sudden disaster or of the ruin that overtakes the wicked, for the Lord will be your confidence and will keep your foot from being snared."

Enough said. I felt like crying. Just can't stop praising. And sharing His goodness.

Amazed once again - flabbergasted!

We had a mini discussion about longevity over emails. She asked if I can continue to love her for the next 10, 20 and 40 years. Thinking I probably can't survive till 70, I replied "Not 40 years but as long as I live." She said no - at least 40 years. To which I said "okay". Still very unsure whether I can live that long (yes I do have anxieties re life expectancy).

And as I did QT at 9pm today, reading from Proverbs 3, the following leaped out from the bible...

"My son, do not forget my teaching, but keep my commands in your heart, for they will prolong your life many years and bring you prosperity."

Amazed? I know it can be easy to frame this line according to "what I want". Similarly it is dangerous to read and decipher without a proper contextual understanding of what was written. But I do know what I have been praying about and my recent worries. But I still find it amazing how God works sometimes. Just having a simple mind can led to an overwhelming appreciation of God's wonders. And I just want to say how real God is again.

Perhaps it is good to keep a simple mind. Speak to God and learn to receive unreservedly. You might be amazed too.

My GOD is real!

I have been somewhat troubled and disturbed recently (no, not by that "event"). The past me would have been very kan-cheong and start looking for a solution. But what God has done with and in me over the last six months prompted me to kneel before Him in prayers and to seek refuge in Him.

Sometimes I cannot be sure that God really listens or whether it is relevant to Him. But as I prayed and sought for comfort and peace, Psalm 54 came to me. Not something that I am familiar with and with initial hesitation, I was wondering if I really heard that. And whether God really knows that I am crying out to Him.

And verses 1-2 read:

Save me, O God, by your name; vindicate me by your might. Hear my prayer, O God; listen to the words of my mouth.

Isn't that amazing? I cannot fathom the extent of His love and His interest in a minnow like me. But He is really interested in each and every individual. There will be situations which may look seriously distressed or hopeless but our God is a God of hope. There have been countless situations when God delivered but Man is just so forgetful (which reminds me I should blog this and write it somewhere). Exams and work are good examples.

And in verse 4, David declares "Surely God is my help; the Lord is the one who sustains me." Although this Psalm did not speak of a deliverance but it depicted the same cry that I have to God. And a reminder of turning a prayer into praise. That in all circumstances, remembering who the Master and Maker is. Though some form of anxiety and uncertainty may still remain and resolution may take time, I want to believe just as the final verse says -

"For HE has delivered me from all my troubles, and my eyes have looked in triumph on my foes."

Did God pull my leg?

I confirm that God has a good sense of humour. And great timing sense. He knows that I have been busy with certain things and not been spending as much time (as I should) on the Word.

So He pulled my leg. To be precise, my hamstring. While playing football on Thu (Note: if you were to speak to my colleagues and footie friends, they would suggest it's my stubbornness and lack of warm-up. Can't blame Him all the time!). So I stayed in this weekend (then again, I stayed in most weekends) and did a fair bit of reading and praying. And to replace the weekend sermon, I listened to an audio clip by Ravi Zacharias, titled "Flirting with the Truth".

I used to listen to his audio clips back in Uni and in my KPMG days. It is certainly refreshing to hear his prophetic and insightful words again. This message touched on Acts 24 as Paul was placed before Felix, who the latter was hoping for a spectacle/show by the former. However as Paul defended his "trial" and spoke on "righteousness, self-control and judgement", it was clearly all too much for Felix and his adulterous partner who soon has Paul removed from his presence.

I think I too will be disturbed if I were to sitting in Felix's shoes as Paul gave a non-watered down version of the gospel which is sadly found lacking nowadays. The modern world's focus on the emotional and political aspects of life has removed that edge from the gospel. As we analyse and debate on certain moral issues, it is so easy (and common) to reach that common ground - lets agree to disagree. There isn't a good and wrong answer here.

Moving away from the gospel and becoming receptive and accepting of other viewpoints could and possibly would lead us to lose the ability to discern. As Ravi puts it - "The closer one gets to God, the more one understands what's right and wrong. And what is imperative". And little wonder it is written in the scriptures - "The man without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned."

While it is good to be technically and theologically sound, "theological constructs, in Ravi's words, can be argued and can be ignored, but our lives cannot be refuted if God is obvious in our lives".

Living that life will not be easy. And a struggle against media bombardment and subjected to the barrage of "acceptable, politically-right moral values" thrown forward by the politicians, celebs and the likes.

But if He could pull my leg to show me a simple lesson, I would want to give Him my life to be eternally transformed.

Media at its lowest...

For this article to make it to the headlines on AsiaOne.

One word. Pathetic.

215 days to being the blessed man...

Practice doesn't always make perfect...

"The harder you train, the luckier you get"

No way. I thought four months apart should put me in good stead when I returned to London. I realise that I am missing you even more!

A different return...

We almost missed each other. Well, not actually almost but on a day when this Singapore trip was supposed to reach a crescendo, she was held up at work. With time ticking down to my departure, I waited patiently for her arrival. Somehow I was not irritated, not flustered. Perhaps it is a job that was already done when I arrived in Singapore 13 days ago. I know the short one hour we can have together before I make my way to the airport is nothing compared to an eternity together. Perhaps it is this hope that made this trip especially enjoyable.

I thought I was the happiest man over the last few days. Then again, seeing my father's grins and the happy chatter between my mum and sister has made me realise how blessed me and my family are to have Xueyan in our midst. We took lots of photos at the airport and when it came to me crossing that "sacred line and glass window", there were no tears shed. Because the emptiness four months ago has been replaced by a fresh hope.

That this old man is no longer going to be alone, this old man has been blessed with the most wonderful woman.