Sister

Given 1) it's Monday bank holiday tomorrow and 2) I have not blogged for some time, I reckon it's due time for an update.

Sister and Xueyan were here beginning August for two weeks, before departing on the Monday just past. It's funny waking up and not seeing my sister and Xueyan. Every morning I will bring my laptop to my sister while she takes in the morning sunshine on the sofa. By that time (7.30am), she would already have had her tea and breakfast and waiting for Ms Wee to get up. We did not get on to much during the ladies' two-weeks in London, except for a weekend trip to Paris and a drive trip to Oxford/Bicester.

I had longed for my sister to come up. While it was great to have my beloved Xueyan here again, I have always wanted someone from the family to come over to London. A 14-hours flight can be a dreadful ordeal and I have been reminded by Xueyan how selfish I can be to ask them (repeatedly) to visit us, just so I can have them experience London (whether they like it or not). I did not take any vacation leave during the two weeks and left the gals to their devices to get on. But dinners are almost always together and I did help myself to some nice food (after endless instant noodles, cereals and pasta before their arrival).

Having family around is terrific and I can't ask for more than their presence. And it blessed my heart to see this message - "Thank you my best bro! I will go again! - on my sister's MSN. While I have been harassing Xueyan to have her siblings and parents over, I have come to realise they too should have a choice. While many would love to have an all-expenses-paid trip to London, not everyone thinks the same (and we thank God for diversity and differences).

On a separate note, I went for cell group on Friday and it was heart-warming to see old friends again (in a CG setting). There has been a lot going on in church in the last few weeks. Now that I am on fire - lets keep it alive at Marsham Street.

What are we doing in Paris? Again...

How do you run the race?

He was widely acknowledged as the greatest strategist in his era. He could call on winds and storms to aid his tactics. His wizardry forms part of his resources. In a time of warlords and feudal chiefs, he built a kingdom for the smallest of them all. He lured "Tiger" generals and was seen without equal by his peers. He was the one who people saw as the hope for the Han unification.

I am a Romance of the Three Kingdom fan - an equivalent to the typical petrol head. Despite incapacitated by my semi-literate Mandarin, I developed a fond interest in this history. I have probably gone through the Chinese DVDs several rounds and can't seem to get bored of the show. While the summer weather tempts many for a run and a day in the park, my unfortunate hamstring got me to stay in for a Saturday of rest. And I drew a disc from the 72 DVDs of the RTK series for a watch. It was the episode that Zhuge Liang died.

Fresh from a failed ambush to kill Sima Yi, Zhuge Liang, who was into his fifth expedition to conquer the Northern empire (Cao Cao's legacy) knew time was not on his side. Coming down with sickness and overwork, Zhuge foresaw his imminent death and began to pass instructions for life after him. I have seen this episode about four times and something got clearer now. On his deathbed, he reminisced about his early life in recluse, the initial battles and struggles and the consequent victories. But one thing was clear to him (and me) now - his time is up. His goal will not be accomplished. The final scene before his death saw him looking at a flag which bores "Conquer the North" to which he said it will not be fulfilled by him.

We can often start so well and carry abundant brilliance compared to our peers. My time in investment banking and audit has exposed me to top talents, some young chaps making Managing Directors before thirty. However life is a marathon and is not judged on how well we do the first 400m. Nor what we have achieved during that short time. As I looked at his moments before the death scene, I asked myself - What will be my final thoughts? Have I been a man after God's heart? Have I lived a life worth living? And when I come before the throne of judgement - will I receive the acclaim and praise from Him, saying "Well done my son"?

No wonder Paul, in his final letter to Timothy, wrote "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept my faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, will award to me on that day - and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing."

The road ahead is very long, arduous and tough and definitely fraught with trials and temptations. But God has promised to be with us, as our guiding light. While the wrinkles will come, the pressures of work, married life and parenthood pile, yet we can take comfort that "we are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed."

And in the spirit of the Olympics, and with the sportsman/sportswoman in everyone of us - how would you like to run the race? Do you want to be a Ben Johnson or a Derek Redmond?

I wun stop sharing...

As I shared a few days ago, I have been very disturbed and troubled lately. To the extent of having sleepless nights and getting worried about falling ill.

I read Proverbs 3 last night, and because it was a long chapter, I ended at verse 23. Partly because it was the last verse on that page. And partly because I dun really know why.

So tonight, laden with all the anxieties and fears, I continued the unfinished part of Proverbs 3, continuing with verse 24. To which God allayed my fears.

"when you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet. Have no fear of sudden disaster or of the ruin that overtakes the wicked, for the Lord will be your confidence and will keep your foot from being snared."

Enough said. I felt like crying. Just can't stop praising. And sharing His goodness.

Amazed once again - flabbergasted!

We had a mini discussion about longevity over emails. She asked if I can continue to love her for the next 10, 20 and 40 years. Thinking I probably can't survive till 70, I replied "Not 40 years but as long as I live." She said no - at least 40 years. To which I said "okay". Still very unsure whether I can live that long (yes I do have anxieties re life expectancy).

And as I did QT at 9pm today, reading from Proverbs 3, the following leaped out from the bible...

"My son, do not forget my teaching, but keep my commands in your heart, for they will prolong your life many years and bring you prosperity."

Amazed? I know it can be easy to frame this line according to "what I want". Similarly it is dangerous to read and decipher without a proper contextual understanding of what was written. But I do know what I have been praying about and my recent worries. But I still find it amazing how God works sometimes. Just having a simple mind can led to an overwhelming appreciation of God's wonders. And I just want to say how real God is again.

Perhaps it is good to keep a simple mind. Speak to God and learn to receive unreservedly. You might be amazed too.

My GOD is real!

I have been somewhat troubled and disturbed recently (no, not by that "event"). The past me would have been very kan-cheong and start looking for a solution. But what God has done with and in me over the last six months prompted me to kneel before Him in prayers and to seek refuge in Him.

Sometimes I cannot be sure that God really listens or whether it is relevant to Him. But as I prayed and sought for comfort and peace, Psalm 54 came to me. Not something that I am familiar with and with initial hesitation, I was wondering if I really heard that. And whether God really knows that I am crying out to Him.

And verses 1-2 read:

Save me, O God, by your name; vindicate me by your might. Hear my prayer, O God; listen to the words of my mouth.

Isn't that amazing? I cannot fathom the extent of His love and His interest in a minnow like me. But He is really interested in each and every individual. There will be situations which may look seriously distressed or hopeless but our God is a God of hope. There have been countless situations when God delivered but Man is just so forgetful (which reminds me I should blog this and write it somewhere). Exams and work are good examples.

And in verse 4, David declares "Surely God is my help; the Lord is the one who sustains me." Although this Psalm did not speak of a deliverance but it depicted the same cry that I have to God. And a reminder of turning a prayer into praise. That in all circumstances, remembering who the Master and Maker is. Though some form of anxiety and uncertainty may still remain and resolution may take time, I want to believe just as the final verse says -

"For HE has delivered me from all my troubles, and my eyes have looked in triumph on my foes."

Did God pull my leg?

I confirm that God has a good sense of humour. And great timing sense. He knows that I have been busy with certain things and not been spending as much time (as I should) on the Word.

So He pulled my leg. To be precise, my hamstring. While playing football on Thu (Note: if you were to speak to my colleagues and footie friends, they would suggest it's my stubbornness and lack of warm-up. Can't blame Him all the time!). So I stayed in this weekend (then again, I stayed in most weekends) and did a fair bit of reading and praying. And to replace the weekend sermon, I listened to an audio clip by Ravi Zacharias, titled "Flirting with the Truth".

I used to listen to his audio clips back in Uni and in my KPMG days. It is certainly refreshing to hear his prophetic and insightful words again. This message touched on Acts 24 as Paul was placed before Felix, who the latter was hoping for a spectacle/show by the former. However as Paul defended his "trial" and spoke on "righteousness, self-control and judgement", it was clearly all too much for Felix and his adulterous partner who soon has Paul removed from his presence.

I think I too will be disturbed if I were to sitting in Felix's shoes as Paul gave a non-watered down version of the gospel which is sadly found lacking nowadays. The modern world's focus on the emotional and political aspects of life has removed that edge from the gospel. As we analyse and debate on certain moral issues, it is so easy (and common) to reach that common ground - lets agree to disagree. There isn't a good and wrong answer here.

Moving away from the gospel and becoming receptive and accepting of other viewpoints could and possibly would lead us to lose the ability to discern. As Ravi puts it - "The closer one gets to God, the more one understands what's right and wrong. And what is imperative". And little wonder it is written in the scriptures - "The man without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned."

While it is good to be technically and theologically sound, "theological constructs, in Ravi's words, can be argued and can be ignored, but our lives cannot be refuted if God is obvious in our lives".

Living that life will not be easy. And a struggle against media bombardment and subjected to the barrage of "acceptable, politically-right moral values" thrown forward by the politicians, celebs and the likes.

But if He could pull my leg to show me a simple lesson, I would want to give Him my life to be eternally transformed.

Media at its lowest...

For this article to make it to the headlines on AsiaOne.

One word. Pathetic.

215 days to being the blessed man...

Practice doesn't always make perfect...

"The harder you train, the luckier you get"

No way. I thought four months apart should put me in good stead when I returned to London. I realise that I am missing you even more!

A different return...

We almost missed each other. Well, not actually almost but on a day when this Singapore trip was supposed to reach a crescendo, she was held up at work. With time ticking down to my departure, I waited patiently for her arrival. Somehow I was not irritated, not flustered. Perhaps it is a job that was already done when I arrived in Singapore 13 days ago. I know the short one hour we can have together before I make my way to the airport is nothing compared to an eternity together. Perhaps it is this hope that made this trip especially enjoyable.

I thought I was the happiest man over the last few days. Then again, seeing my father's grins and the happy chatter between my mum and sister has made me realise how blessed me and my family are to have Xueyan in our midst. We took lots of photos at the airport and when it came to me crossing that "sacred line and glass window", there were no tears shed. Because the emptiness four months ago has been replaced by a fresh hope.

That this old man is no longer going to be alone, this old man has been blessed with the most wonderful woman.

Good harvest - bottled 7 April 2001

Easily the happiest days of 2008. Coming back to Singapore, seeing the familiar faces, tasting the street foods and walking the roads that seem to be constantly changing.

Had dinner with the Xueyan's parents, my parents and aunt as part of an "exploratory discussion" on things to happen over the next eight months. Having dated for more than seven years, I think most people are yearning for a interim conclusion. But most importantly, it is between me and Xueyan. It is about time, we too concluded.

Sharing the ice-cream along the banks of Singapore River, watching people tossed into the air over at Clarke Quay reminded me of your birthday dinner at London Bridge. We shivered in the wintry cold as we strolled along River Thames, admiring the lighted Tower Bridge in the night. Time has withered us and we have certainly aged. Whether in London or Singapore, I am so thankful that God kept this relationship and how other relationships may have gone cold after such a long time, our love has only aged like fine wine. Because He has been faithful and merciful to us.

From window-shopping and slacking at Coffee Club, the topic has slowly changed to buying a place and hunting for hotels. But that should not take away the focus of the impending event - that God should be honoured in everything and first coming to God for counsel BEFORE deciding on a particular decision and asking God to bless that decision.

I used to think that LDR is difficult but the past four months have been relatively manageable, in fact it actually rekindled a greater appreciation of Ms Wee when I see her. No more British subtlety, it is actually amazing. Pak-tor has taken a different role. Remember how over 30 months in London, we have never met for lunch during the work week, yet over the last four days we enjoyed three good one-to-one over simple meals and desserts. An infinite improvement!

So as I prepare to depart Singapore shores in three days, please know that you will not leave my heart. This love was not built on past memories but great expectations of the future, the binding of the hearts not with aesthetically pretty laces but with carefully woven threads directed by the Master and, prayerfully, hearts that resonate with that of the Maker.

A week for a lifetime of happiness...

Finally back in Singapore and it doesn't seem that long from my last trip given that I was back in Feb for three weeks. But four months away from Xueyan have made this trip especially sweet for me when I surprised her at Bukit Merah. A pity I did not have a camera with me for that MasterCard moment.

The last five days have been extremely hectic. I am basically on a pseudo-PAP meet-the-people-session. I am so blessed to have caught up with people who matter to me and you, who have spared the time for me, even if it's only for ten minutes. And for that odd free meal. And the reason I wrote this is to remind myself of your kindness...

1. Peter, the first to catch up with me. That despite going away the very next day for a week-long trip to catch the Euro - LIVE! I know you were very busy but you always make time for me. Be it before I left for London more than two years ago, blessing myself and Xueyan with your family presence in London and offering support to us during this trying period. Your God-focus life will always be an encouragement and model for me.
2. Shu Ping and Chin Chin - the only bosses whom I have worked with in Singapore. Busy partners with high charge-out rates but not withholding time from me despite the fact that I am a "KPMG-deserter". The same six years ago and the same today - can only hope to find similar bosses when I return to Asia one day!
3. Weifu/Merlin/Jeiel/Joy - my best buddy and the Ong/Wee's pillar of support. Brother, you are the absolute role model for us. Your constant emails of advice and encouragement allow me to know God is at work. Despite the flaws that I have, you were never a "judge" like others. You live the "love the sinner, hate the sin" life and I can only be further blessed as I spend more time with you and the Lees. God has blessed you richly and I can be sure that the Lees will be more blessed. And as His blessings come on you, you will be the channel from which they will be passed on to many - us included.
4. Eliza - the same today and fifteen years ago (we do go back a long time huh?). The passion for Christ has only grown deeper and I am so thankful that you are in His service - not one which any TD&H can join. I am so happy that you are now... hmmm... you know la. So as you pray about what's next, I believe the desired conviction and serenity will come. Your obedience is unquestionable. His faithfulness is the answer.
5. Pearl aka Mrs Tang - I am so sorry that you might be the only VJ gal at THAT dinner. That's because you are special! Always so encouraged by our "yearly" meetings. Remember no subtle hints and knowing myself, Edmund cannot be faulted for being blur. Stay healthy and continue to pursue God. Prayerfully, Shane will be the first of many to come!
6. Shaiful/Serene/Ivin/Yu Ching/Jan/Amy (added) - there is life after KPMG! Shaiful, your time has finally come good. Those days of ranting and "red nose" have been rewarded. You give hope to better prospects outside practice. Three in four years, Serene you are a model for the Government's procreation campaign. I hope to rival you one day! As for the ING gang, we survived and seeing you today is a reward for the countless "work-past-midnight" peak season days. A compliance officer, a MAS assistant director and a mint manager. Not too bad!
7. Weixiong - short ten minutes lunch. Now that is really touch-and-go! But just hearing you say "Marriage has been great" was good enough for me. Your maturity and concern shown during our brief conversation is testimony to His work done. From the "fire-in-the-hole!" poly boy to a now responsible "no-secrets-between-husband-and-wife" man, you have certainly taught me some good stuff!

Okay, more meetings to come over the next few days and, undoubtedly, more blessings. Hopefully my stomach can take the triple-lunch sessions!

Have a laugh!

A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her her, in the Holy Land, for $150.

The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.

The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $150?"

The man replied, "LONG AGO A MAN DIED HERE, WAS BURIED HERE AND THREE DAYS LATER HE ROSE FROM THE DEAD. I JUST CAN'T TAKE THAT CHANCE."

It has been a hundred days...

So excited to see you again.

Britain Got Talent

Another interesting talent show which concluded on Saturday. Similar to American Idol (which incidentally originated from the UK), Britain Got Talent brings in acts/people with any "talent" which may include singing, magic, dancing, stand up comedy etc. Last year's winner was an opera singer. Supporters call in to vote for their favourite act. The winning act will get £100k and the chance to perform in front of the royal family at the Royal Variety show. And this year winner is, well.... choose from the two below.

George Sampson


Signature


But the qualifying act by Signature in the auditions was my favourite.

Rebel with a clause

Players come and go in football. And it's not surprisingly that they left for greener pastures especially one that pays them three times more for doing the same thing. So that fact is acceptable. But not if you are throw in a concoction of stories.

Welcome to the world of Mathieu Flamini. The most-improved Arsenal player for the season just over. And will soon be a ex-Arsenal player leaving for the riches of AC Milan. Not without some commotion though.

You will probably find this all over the internet. But for non-avid football fans, here is the summary.

Part 1
"I want to stay at Arsenal. I love this club."

Part 2
I really have to go because losing the title was something unacceptable (But we din win anything last year. Nor the year before. Hmmm, even the year before the year before. What didn't you leave then?). I need to go to a club with bigger ambitions.

Part 3
Err, no no... wait now... I am leaving because you had the chance to sign me last season but you din want to. Coz you wanted to assess my level of play before offering me a new contract (Duh, then offer you because you are French?).

Part 4
Four Star Milan Miss Out
So much for a club with bigger ambitions. See you in the UEFA Cup next season.

Part 5
The Arsenal curse continues - Mathieu Flamini fails to make France squad.

Bring on the crackers!

Be Thankful... always...

As I rest on the bed, enjoying a well-deserved break from the hectic demands of the work week and the long run this morning, I remember His goodness.

Thank God for showing mercy and grace to me so that I can walk away AND for Xueyan in my life.

Simply dun understand...

Bright young man, trained at Oxford and a rising star in his chosen field.

Why did he do this? We can never understand because a dead man brings his secrets to the grave.

Another reminder of the classic "you can have seemingly everything in the world but yet not have anything".

"But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. People who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.

BUT YOU, MAN OF GOD, FLEE FROM ALL THIS, AND PURSUE RIGHTEOUSNESS, GODLINESS, FAITH, LOVE, ENDURANCE AND GENTLENESS". - 1 Timothy 6:6-11

YOU

I stood firm more than two weeks ago and have not looked back since. I pray that I will not waver and may God grant strength to a weak man.

"No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it." - 1 Corinthians 10:13

And YOU are the reason why I will stand firm.


On a separate note, congrats to Weixiong and Becky on your wonderful matrimony!